I dont know about you but I have had some shaky times in the past when my confidence had let me down and especially at times when I had been stressed. It seems that it was especially at these times when the children 'must have decided' that it's 'let's play up just for mummy' time- yeaaaahhhh!!!!!!
I have two very confident boys who at times in the past, it felt like they were much stronger than I was, especially at times before, during and after my divorce. Ghastly time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, there may be less serious occasions in your life than a divorce or separation when you might have felt your confidence ebb away for whatever reason and it just continued on a downward spiral. Children instinctly react to changes whether these are implicit or explicit changes, as children tend to be a lot more perceptive and intuitive than perhaps adults may think or accept. My ex-husband and I didn't argue in front of our children even when things were bad just prior to the divorce, however, the fact that things were not going well between us had it's obvious affects on the children.
When children sense that something is not right, they start to play up, or act out, perhaps more as a way of protecting themselves and especially if they don't understand what it is that they are experiencing or sensing. The worst thing that a parent can do when a child asks 'What's wrong mum?' or 'What's wrong dad?', is to say 'nothing is wrong' or in effect lie to the child. If the 'lying' continues, albeit the parents good intentions of seeming to protect their child, the child will begin to internalise the 'nothing is wrong' as 'oh, maybe there's something wrong with me then! maybe I didn't sense that at all, and because mum or dad says that there is nothing wrong, it must be true!' The knock on effect of this is that children experiencing this situation are likely to grow up not trusting themselves or their instincts, which potentially could lead to them becoming introverts, or even abused in adult life.
Clearly, children don't need to know every single detail of what is wrong, and indeed the amount of information given needs to be tailored according to the child's age. However, acknowledging that they are right in some way will help your children immensely. When I first discovered that this was a better way to deal with questions that I would much rather not answer, I began by saying something like, 'I have quite a lot on my mind right now. Bear with me.'
If our confidence is letting us down, it is likely that we will go into some kind of insecurity mode which means that in order to overcome our own sense of feeling insecure, maybe inadequate, or unworthy, potentially we may then instinctively take this out on the children to compensate for what is missing in us. Taking it out on the children can happen in so many different minor and major ways, for instance, shouting at the children, slapping them, sending them to their room for something naughty that we 'perceive' that they have done or worse, physically harming them in a serious way.
The greatest gift that you can give to yourself at times like these is to acknowledge that your confidence is perhaps not as you would want it to be and to make the decision to do something about it. And then TAKE ACTION to change it! Again, the children will also benefit greatly in the positive changes in you.
Take Control of YOur Life Today
With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk Tel: +44 (0)845 056 3840
With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk Tel: +44 (0)845 056 3840
