Elizabeth Fritzl

Elizabeth Fritzl 5 May 2008


Most people will have heard by now about Elizabeth Fritzl who was drugged and kidnapped by her father Josef Fritzl at the age of 18 and repeatedly raped over the 24 years he held her captive in a garage cellar behind the family home.It is hard to imagine what Elizabeth must have been going through over those years and what kept her alive under such intolerable conditions in a low cellar, living with three of the seven children fathered by her own father.

It is also very hard to believe that no one saw Josef Fritzl taking all kinds of things into his garage – for instance beds, utensils, bathroom unit - which must have seemed strange.As someone who works to liberate parents and young people, this is another example of how diverse, challenging and complicated situations can be within a family environment and also another example of how widespread sexual abuse and incest is across the world. It does not differentiate between colour, creed, gender, race or religion.

Young People

When I work with groups of young people as part of my Born To Win! Programme for Young People, I always say to them not to judge others – their friends and peers - because you never know what happens when that young person goes home. Each young person who is or has been sexually abused will behave differently from another and therefore it is difficult to tell that they have had to endure these experiences. For instance, their behaviour may range from becoming withdrawn, extroverted, promiscuous aggressive, angry or engage in self harm activities (emotional, psychological or physical self harm) due to the self loathing, low self worth, hopelessness and helplessness that they generally experience as a result of sexual abuse or incest.

Tell someone

Elizabeth Fritzl was sexually abused by her father Josef Fritzl from the age of 11. Most children being abused do not tell anyone of their plight, resulting from the sheer fear of reprisals from the abuser, shame, guilt and intimidation, coupled with wondering if anyone would ever believe them. The case of ‘Becky’, a 14 year old British teenager that was brave enough to pluck up the courage to tell adults of her plight, goes a long way to prove this point. ‘Becky’ was consistently ignored until she started self harming and turned to drinks and drugs. It was only then that social services took action to remove her from the family home and placed her in a children’s home. Unfortunately for ‘Becky’, staff at the children’s home “allowed her to be used as a prostitute for fear their intervention might infringe her human rights.”

The extent and gravity of Elizabeth Fritzl’s situation, however, is a stark wake up call to the rest of the world that our children and young people need to be protected and/or liberated, whichever the case may be.
As challenging times lay ahead for the whole family, let's hope that they are given the best support available and thanks also to Natascha Kampusch who lends her support by starting up a fund for the family.
Jennifer McLeod © 2008

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
Born To Win! book series www.Amazon.co.uk, www.Authorhouse.co.uk and Ebook http://www.lulu.com/

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System(tm)
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People(tm)
Email: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

Email: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
http://www.stepup-international.co.uk/

http://www.positiveinspirations.co.uk/
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Jennifer McLeod Inspirational Quotes

Jennifer McLeod Inspirational QUOTES

“You have within you an inner guidance that always knows what you need to do. Trusting this inner guidance will set you free and help you to move the obstacles that you once considered to be mountains.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2005


“Get Yourself out of the way so the REAL YOU can get going.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2005

“What you don’t do can create the same regrets as the mistakes you make.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2005


“Beating yourself up doesn’t make your situation any better; in fact, it only prolongs it.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you’ve been “there” you really know it.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“Set yourself up to WIN in life.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“Make your word your bond. It really does matter!”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you really go for what you want in life, you are helping more people than you realise”.
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you go for what you really want in life, you are helping people more than you realise.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you ignore that little niggling feeling inside, it comes back time and time again, bigger and bigger each time until it eventually stops you in your tracks.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you follow your heart’s desires and do that one thing that’s been niggling away inside you, it’s likely to be that one thing that will make your heart sing.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“Take a leap of faith and do it. Sitting back and doing nothing does nothing for the soul”.
Jennifer McLeod © 2007

“Embrace life as if you really meant it. Treat it like a long-lost very close friend or family member. Now that you have found it, you will want to do everything possible to hold onto it, cherish it; do more for it; love it and make it better.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007

“When you get ”there”, it is an experience like no other.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


“When you get “there”, it is an experience like no other. However, it is also the time to make sure that your action plans are in place to take you to your next level of “being there.” ‘
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


“Which of your characteristics or attitudes are your friends and/or family reflecting back to you?”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


“Step Up! to the song inside of you. Following through with that thing that makes your heart sing is likely to help you find your life purpose. Then you will really have something to sing about!”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


What are you waiting for when you have a dream to create? A plan to make? A goal to achieve? A ball to have? Success to Claim?
Jennifer McLeod © 2008

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
Born To Win! book series http://www.amazon.co.uk/, http://www.authorhouse.co.uk/ and Ebook http://www.lulu.com/

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System(tm)
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People(tm)

Email:youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

Email: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
http://www.stepup-international.co.uk/

http://www.positiveinspirations.co.uk/
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Do You Love ME?

Do You Love ME?

This is the underlying and constant question that children and young people have running through their minds whether on a conscious or unconscious basis. We all have a need to be loved and children and young people are no exception to the rule.Most often than not, however, children and young people may not be aware of this driving need and may act in ways which test their parents’ love for them. Again, they are generally unaware of why they are doing what they are doing because it is an unconscious act governed by the need to be and to feel loved. Though these actions may test some parents’ patience or drive some parents to despair, the trick for the parents is to look behind the behaviour at what children or young people might be trying to tell you. For instance, examples of behaviour might range from minor incidences like some children bedwetting again, creating ‘weird and wonderful’ fantasies that might seem real to them, hyperactivity, to more serious situations like stealing, mixing with the wrong crowd that leads them astray, substance misuse, self harm or even worse, suicide (sadly and steadily on the increase amongst young people and is the second or third highest cause of death for young people). The behaviour is a form of communication to you that tells you that something is going on and again, children especially, and young people may not be able to put into words how they are feeling. They just need that affirmative ‘yes’ in words and actions from their parents.

Where young people are concerned, they have so many challenges going on at this crucial stage of development in their lives, that it is so easy for them to get distracted and perhaps do things that they wouldn't normally do in an attempt to 'find themselves' or 'find me'. It is also a time for them naturally to want to explore and strive for their independence from their parents. Whilst this is a natural part of their growth, this stage still needs to be managed, whereby parents give young people more freedom a little at a time depending on their ability to manage this new found freedom and the responsibilities that it entails. Give them too much freedom at first and it will be difficult to claw it back later on if and when things go wrong. Children and young people of all ages need boundaries, irrespective of their behaviour and them telling you that they are not ‘a kid’ anymore. An Ofsted report 2007 UK reveals that young people believe that teachers treat them like young adults too soon. So whilst they want the extra freedom, they don’t want or are unable to cope with too much of it and therefore the increased responsibilities that it brings.

Another important point about a young person’s need to know that he or she is loved is the natural need for them to see their parents demonstrate that they love them. It might appear that they don’t want to be hugged anymore as they get older, but this is generally a façade that they put on at this stage of their development. Providing you are not ignoring their wishes by hugging them and embarrassing them in front of their friends, (my eldest is 17 years old and he openly initiates and gives me a hug in front of his friends), then always show your children affection. This can be as simple as tapping/touching them on their shoulders, arms, head or back as you walk past them.Brian Tracy, a leading sales and personal development guru, sited an experiment called the Infant Death Syndrome where an experiment with newly born babies showed that half the babies in the experiment were not shown any form of affection and were just fed and changed when necessary. The other half of the babies in the experiment were also changed and fed, given extra attention, affection, hugged and played with. The difference in the development of the growth in the two sets of babies was so stark that the experiment had to be stopped, though too late, as the set of babies which didn’t receive the nurturing and affection, literally shriveled up and some of them actually died. A very potent example to illustrate the point above, as it is so easy to underestimate young people’s need for affection because of the contradictory behaviour that they portray.

If you watch Eastenders in the UK, one of the current storyline running is Lucy Beale running away from home. The episode Friday 02 May 2008 showed Stephen Beale telling Lucy that dad Ian and step mum Jane had almost forgotten about her to the extent where they were thinking of moving Stephen into Lucy’s room. The expression on Lucy’s face was one of obvious disappointment, even though she was the one that ran away.

So what do you do?

Give constant reassurance, praise, love, focused attention and affection and most importantly, LISTEN and give Lots of hugs.

This is not just about positive parenting or just being positive parents as this approach goes over and above that.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

Leave your comments here about this article, and why not share this article with someone who might benefit from it?

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book series http://www.amazon.co.uk/; http://www.authorhouse.co.uk/ and Ebook http://www.lulu.com/

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System(tm)
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People(tm)
youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
http://www.stepup-international.co.uk/

http://www.postiveinspirations.co.uk/
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Parents asking for government to change School Uniform pricing

Today, parents are asking for the UK government to revise its guidelines on school uniform so that they have more choices about where they buy school uniform. Some schools have specific agreements with some school uniform suppliers making it mandatory for parents to buy school uniforms from them. The suppliers prices are generally far more expensive than prices on the high street.

As a single parent with two children, I want to be able to buy the uniform for the price that my budget can afford and not from the shop that is stipulated by the school or government.

One parent's views on the news was that irrespective where the school uniform is bought, the quality is always sub standard,

What are your views?


With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
info@PositiveInspirationS.co.uk

Jennifer McLeod Inspirational Quotes

Jennifer McLeod Inspirational Quotes




Here are some Inspirational Quotes to keep you going:


“Get Yourself out of the way so the REAL YOU can get going.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2005


“You have within you an inner guidance that always knows what you need to do. Trusting this inner guidance will set you free and help you to move the obstacles that you once considered to be mountains.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2005


“What you don’t do can create the same regrets as the mistakes you make.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2005


“Beating yourself up doesn’t make your situation any better; in fact, it only prolongs it.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you’ve been “there” you really know it.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“Set yourself up to WIN in life.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“Make your word your bond. It really does matter!”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you really go for what you want in life, you are helping more people than you realise”.
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you go for what you really want in life, you are helping people more than you realise.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you ignore that little niggling feeling inside, it comes back time and time again, bigger and bigger each time until it eventually stops you in your tracks.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“When you follow your heart’s desires and do that one thing that’s been niggling away inside you, it’s likely to be that one thing that will make your heart sing.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2006


“Take a leap of faith and do it. Sitting back and doing nothing does nothing for the soul”.
Jennifer McLeod © 2007

“Embrace life as if you really meant it. Treat it like a long-lost very close friend or family member. Now that you have found it, you will want to do everything possible to hold onto it, cherish it; do more for it; love it and make it better.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007

“When you get ”there”, it is an experience like no other.”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


“When you get “there”, it is an experience like no other. However, it is also the time to make sure that your action plans are in place to take you to your next level of “being there.” ‘
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


“Which of your characteristics or attitudes are your friends and/or family reflecting back to you?”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


“Step Up! to the song inside of you. Following through with that thing that makes your heart sing is likely to help you find your life purpose. Then you will really have something to sing about!”
Jennifer McLeod © 2007


With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
info@PositiveInspirationS.co.uk

Easy Tiger(tm) Parent Coaching, Workshops and Consultancy

Step Up! International Ltd
Easy Tiger™ Parent Coaching, Workshops and Consultancy.

We help Parents to have a sense of relief, regain control and become peak performance employees.

You know how challenging it can be to discipline children today or even feel confident that they are safe, which makes it difficult for some parents to keep their cool and not get frazzled, angry, frustrated or even lose control of the situation? Well, we help parents to have a sense of relief, regain control and become peak performance employees, which mean that they can bring up their children in a way that is right for them and have the peace of mind to carry on with their work.

‘When you ignore that little nagging feeling in side of you, it comes back time and time again, bigger and bigger each time until it eventually stops you in your tracks.’
Jennifer McLeod

WHO Is Our Easy Tiger™ Parenting Solutions For?

Our Easy Tiger™ Parenting Solutions is for any Parent who:

• Wants to develop greater relationship with their immediate or extended family and especially their children


• Wants to create more ‘ME’ Time’ for themselves within a busy home life and work life


• Has experienced a relationship break up situation and needs support to manage the new and existing challenges alone


• Wants to establish or re-establish boundaries within the family relationships and especially with the children.


• Wants to establish their own identity as well as being a parent


• Gets frustrated on a regular basis with their existing situation


• Is constantly drained of energy and notices that they are on a downward spiral with the current situation at home


• Needs to have peace of mind to carry on with their work and put systems in place to make key decisions and ensure that the children are safe.


• Wants less stress and more peace and happiness in their lives


• Regularly feels overwhelmed or feel that they are losing control of their home situation which may also be having an adverse impact on their work place.


• Have inner conflicts, perhaps resulting from their own childhood experiences, that might affect the decisions that they make and how to bring up their children


• Is under threat of having their children taken off them by Social Services for unusual reasons e.g. Obesity, or through other formal settings


• Wants solutions that helps them to bring up their children in the way that’s just right for them


• Has low self esteem, little confidence and needs to gain a sense of self worth and confidence to manage their home life, their children and life generally.


• Wishes to develop a greater level of authority with their children


• Wants to bring some fun and laughter into their life and family environment


• Want to develop and create an organised, smooth running home environment.


• Recognises the value that they have in making the single most important difference in their children’s lives, especially with the various distractions children and young people have in today’s society, and want to do whatever it takes to make sure of their success.


• Managers wanting to support their employees who might be experiencing parenting challenges that are affecting their work.


• Managers wanting to support parents returning to work from maternity, paternity or adoptive leave
  

Which Parents?

We work with all parents is the short answer.

Married couples, co-habitees, single parents, lone parents, unemployed parents, working parents and teenage parents and parents to be.

How Do We Do That?

We offer a range of Easy Tiger™ Parenting Solutions including:

· 1:1 Easy Tiger™ Parent Coaching
· Easy Tiger™ Parent Workshops and seminars
· Easy Tiger™ Parent tele- seminars or tele-conferences
· In house Workshops and Coaching for employees and managers
· Written and audio products to assist you in your on-going growth
· Weekend Retreats
· Other Open life changing seminars
· Consultancy

‘Embrace life as if you really meant it! Treat life like a long last friend or family member. Now that you have found it, you will want to do everything possible to hold onto it, cherish it, do more for it, love it and make it better.’
Jennifer McLeod

Benefits Of You Using Our Service includes:

• Our Unique, highly successful Easy Tiger™ Parenting Models for adults and teenage parents, together with our 21 Day Parent Coaching Model


• After Service support systems and structures


• Personal, individual, 1:1 service to meet your own specific parenting needs


• Opportunity to share with others and build support networks


• Easy Payment Plans


• Our Parents Solutions focuses on you as a whole person and not just on your role as a parent


• Our solutions pay for themselves!


• Our reputation is second to none!


• New Life! New Freedom! New You!

Testimonials

Our successful Easy Tiger™ Parenting model has helped people in different ways to have their breakthroughs and take control of their life. Don’t just take our word for it,
Here’s what some people have to say about our services:

‘I was tired and feeling anxious about my exams and didn’t feel very confident that I would pass. I really wanted to make sure that I passed them this time, especially because my employer is paying for my studies, and it also means that I will be able to move on to the next level. After working with Jennifer, I felt totally confident in my ability to pass my exams and most importantly I had the energy that I need to do my revision as well as still go to work.

The knock on effect is that my daughter won’t need to be worried now about waking me up or me staying awake long enough to get my revision done’.
Sue Ranger, Supervisor, Birmingham City Council

“I was stuck in limbo not knowing what to do with a dysfunctional relationship which was affecting all areas of my life and making concentrating at work very difficult, even though I love my job. After our sessions I felt empowered enough to take steps to end the relationship. Since then my performance has improved greatly and I feel more settled and happy. Sleeping at night is easier and therefore getting up for work is no longer the great struggle it was.” This is the best training they have ever given me. If only more employers would offer this there would be lot less sick days, less stress… ”
Julia Chance, Advantage West Midlands


So what does all of this Cost You?

Our prices range from as little as £227 per month. Contact Jennifer McLeod directly on +44 (0)121 551 1668 or info@PositiveInspirations.co.uk for further details and a FREE 20 minute Consultation with no obligation to buy!!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
info@PositiveInspirationS.co.uk

5 Things to Look For When YOU Approach a Company That Offers Parenting Solutions:

5 Things to Look For When YOU Approach a Company That Offers Parenting Solutions:

Sometimes it can be difficult to make the right choice when choosing a service or product from an unknown company, especially when you have your family's interest at heart. The best way is always to test out the company and see if it is the right one for you by asking them a range of questions. If it feels right, then it probably is the right company for you to work with.

Just to help you along the way, here are 5 Things to look out for when you approach a company that offers parenting solutions:

1. Do they have a Long lasting parenting model for success?
2. Do they offer After Service Support Systems?
3. Do they Enable you to establish or re-establish your own identity as well as being a parent?
4. Does their their service help you to identify root causes of some of your parenting challenges and help you to eliminate them?
5. Does the service help you to take control of your life and Create the life you want?
   
   ‘When you really go for what you want, you are helping more people than you realise.’
   Jennifer McLeod

Good luck and happy shopping!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
info@PositiveInspirationS.co.uk


+44 (0) 121 551 1668

I don't have the confidence to manage my children!

I dont know about you but I have had some shaky times in the past when my confidence had let me down and especially at times when I had been stressed. It seems that it was especially at these times when the children 'must have decided' that it's 'let's play up just for mummy' time- yeaaaahhhh!!!!!!

I have two very confident boys who at times in the past, it felt like they were much stronger than I was, especially at times before, during and after my divorce. Ghastly time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, there may be less serious occasions in your life than a divorce or separation when you might have felt your confidence ebb away for whatever reason and it just continued on a downward spiral. Children instinctly react to changes whether these are implicit or explicit changes, as children tend to be a lot more perceptive and intuitive than perhaps adults may think or accept. My ex-husband and I didn't argue in front of our children even when things were bad just prior to the divorce, however, the fact that things were not going well between us had it's obvious affects on the children.

When children sense that something is not right, they start to play up, or act out, perhaps more as a way of protecting themselves and especially if they don't understand what it is that they are experiencing or sensing. The worst thing that a parent can do when a child asks 'What's wrong mum?' or 'What's wrong dad?', is to say 'nothing is wrong' or in effect lie to the child. If the 'lying' continues, albeit the parents good intentions of seeming to protect their child, the child will begin to internalise the 'nothing is wrong' as 'oh, maybe there's something wrong with me then! maybe I didn't sense that at all, and because mum or dad says that there is nothing wrong, it must be true!' The knock on effect of this is that children experiencing this situation are likely to grow up not trusting themselves or their instincts, which potentially could lead to them becoming introverts, or even abused in adult life.

Clearly, children don't need to know every single detail of what is wrong, and indeed the amount of information given needs to be tailored according to the child's age. However, acknowledging that they are right in some way will help your children immensely. When I first discovered that this was a better way to deal with questions that I would much rather not answer, I began by saying something like, 'I have quite a lot on my mind right now. Bear with me.'

If our confidence is letting us down, it is likely that we will go into some kind of insecurity mode which means that in order to overcome our own sense of feeling insecure, maybe inadequate, or unworthy, potentially we may then instinctively take this out on the children to compensate for what is missing in us. Taking it out on the children can happen in so many different minor and major ways, for instance, shouting at the children, slapping them, sending them to their room for something naughty that we 'perceive' that they have done or worse, physically harming them in a serious way.

The greatest gift that you can give to yourself at times like these is to acknowledge that your confidence is perhaps not as you would want it to be and to make the decision to do something about it. And then TAKE ACTION to change it! Again, the children will also benefit greatly in the positive changes in you.

Take Control of YOur Life Today


With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk Tel: +44 (0)845 056 3840

Wife Swop - The Effects on the Children

I have to say that Wife Swop is a programme that previously I didn't think deserved the time of day watching, however, my children happened to be watching it one day, not something that they normally watch, and I decided to join them, more because I wanted to spend that time just chilling out with them.

As I got into the programme, I started watching it with more curiosity and from a different, more observational perspective because of my role of working with parents and young people. My initial thought was why on earth would someone do something like that? What are people's motives for going through a process like Wife Swop , especially when they have objections to the changes and new house rules that are created as part of the process?

Generally, from the few shows that I have seen so far, there seems to be positive changes at the end of the process for both sets of families in different ways, if for no other reason, than to have more appreciation for their own real families afterwards and an insight into other people's worlds.

Examples of effects of the Wife Swop programme on the children that I have observed (given that I haven't seen that many episodes) include:

1. the episode where a wife and mother of four girls and one boy had learnt at the end of the Swop experience to let her 21 year old son take more responsibility for looking after his dog and himself, which includes getting himself out of bed. After all, he was 21 and needed to have some sense of responsibility and accountability for his own actions, learning that it was his responsibility to deal with consequences of his actions. He also had the added privilege of eating his dinner first, alongside his dad, before his mum and his four younger sisters could eat. Unfortunately, this was his mum's doing and not his dad's. I guess the knock on effect of his upbringing now is that he will be expecting his partner to always be at his beck and call because that's all he has ever been used to. His mum wanted it this way for her whole family, including her husband, because this made her feel needed!


2. Unfortunately, his sisters have been brought up to accept that it was OK for men to eat first and that they had left overs. In addition, they also believe that their role is to serve men, including rolling their cigars etc - basically be at their beck and call, and still have a job outside of the home. I don't know how many of these four girls will be strong enough and confident enough when they are older to stop her partner using her like a doormat or indeed prevent her partner abusing her in any other way, such as domestic violence. What I do know is that their mother's unhealthy neediness and insecurities has given them all alot of 'stuff' to undo and get rid of if they are to lead a healthy, positive life.


3. Another example of the effects of Wife Swop on children is the episode when family 'A' Swopped with family 'B'. Family 'A' was made up of parents who are both Councillors and three children and family 'B' was made up of parents (one of whom was a step-parent) and I think three children.


4. In family 'A', there was constant activity around the local government councillor's role, which also involved one of the daughters as well. The phone was constantly on the go and the ethos was that people 'out there' need us, so be patient and accept that we need to drop everything that we are doing to attend to their needs whenever they call. This meant that the children, all in their teens, didn't have much time with their parents, as even meal times was interrupted by phone calls.


5. In family 'B', the mother's eldest son of fifteen years, was having difficulty getting on with his step-dad. This meant that he was out often, getting into trouble with the police and hanging out with the wrong crowd. His behaviour was clearly affecting the whole family, however, his step-dad didn't seem to take much responsibility for some of his own actions either.


6. The positive outcomes for family 'A' and 'B' was that both sets of children were better off as a result of the Swop experience. The children in family 'A' had more time with their parents and the phone was switched off at a certain time in the evening. The eldest son in family 'B' had developed increased confidence because the 'Swop mum' had booked him a session in a recording studio because of his love for music.

As parents we need to become aware of what we are doing to and for ourselves as well as how our own behaviours affect our children. It takes courage to put up our hand and admit that some things in our lives are not working and that they need to be changed and we are the ones to make the changes happen.

It is possible and it can be done and I have done for myself and for the benefit of my children.

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk

Children Taking On Adult Responsibilities

Aged 12 And Looking After the Family
Channel 4 Monday 5 February 2007

This programme highlighted stories of British children who have had to take on adult responsibilities because of parental illness or disability.

As a mother and someone that works with young people, I found this programme disturbing and disheartening, with the portrayal of one family in particular. This was the family the blind/partially blind couple who want a large family of 7 or 8 just because their parents both had large families. I have no problems with people with disabilities having their own families and having as good a life as they can get within this challenging society that we live in today. However, my challenge was – and what disturbed me most, was the undue stress and heartache that the eldest children, 12 year old and 9 year old girls, had to endure looking after a family of 8, including the parents.

The toll on the two eldest girls was so visibly immense, so much so that the 9 year old attempted suicide when she was 8 years old, with very little support to deal with the situation. The Young Carer’s Association could only help her if she was actually carrying out ‘caring’ duties within the home, something which she couldn’t cope with but had to do. Additionally, she gets bullied at school because of her parents’ disabilities.

The eldest girl seemed to be devoid of emotion and insisted that she wouldn’t want a family of her own when she is older. They had four younger brothers, three of whom were pre-school children, to care for. The children carried out normal parental responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, washing, caring for the younger ones including getting them sorted in the mornings before going to school and changing their dirty nappies (which had been left on them all day) when they got back from school. The parents refused extra help from Social Services, insisting that they could manage.

Even with the undue stress on the eldest children of taking on such a burden at their tender age, the parents still insisted that they will continue having more children, so that the children all ‘share the workload of looking after them in their old age’. The reality is that not all the children will help out equally, if at all, especially as they get older and the chances are that the eldest two children will still be playing ‘mum and dad’ to a family of 9 or 10 if the parents continue with their plan.


With Inspirational Blessings

Jennifer McLeod
Step Up! International Ltd
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk

Tel: +44 (0) 121 551 1668/ +44 (0) 845 056 3840

Single Parents and Lone Parents

The government has been pretty forthright lately in its determination to get lone parents back to work as a way of reducing the unemployment figures. I think it is fantastic that lone parents get all the support that they can get to start working or go back to work at the time that is just right for them, isn't it? However, that is unlikely to be the case in reality.

There are so many things to consider in terms of getting lone parents to work, that i wonder if the government has fully thought through lone parents needs.

As a lone parent myself with two children, I know how challenging it can be to take on all the parenting responsibilities, or share some if you have a supportive ex-partner. Some lone parents may not have the support network to help with childcare outside of normal office hours or indeed during office hours; they may not be able to afford nursery fees; returning to work may undoubtedly bring about fears of having some of their benefits being taken off them and not being replaced by sufficient income from their new job, with no immediate way of filling that financial gap. In addition, there are those lone parents who may not have worked for a long period of time, which means that they may have lost a lot of confidence and the working world or business world may appear too overwhelming for them. They may need re-skilling in meaningful career paths and not just a piecemeal attempt to get them in the lowest possible level job at the lowest possible pay in the quickest possible time just as a quick fix or a 'tick box' mentality to prove that unemployment is on the decrease!

Other than very important practical things to consider in getting lone parents back to work, there are emotional and psychological challenges that need to be taken into consideration.

Who will deal with the emotional and psychological challenges that lone parents might be facing when returning to work or entering the workplace for the first time. There may be feelings of guilt, insecurity, fear, anxiety, low self esteem or a lone parent may be someone who is harming themselves on a regular basis. Additionally, what about the emotional and psychological baggage that people bring with them from childhood that are amplified in adulthood? Who will help some lone parents to get rid of some of these potentially detrimential baggage and Emotional Roadblocks(tm) that could be stopping them working in the first place or not being as an effective parent as they would like to be?

And what about possible parenting challenges with either young children or teenagers? If these challenges are not dealt with, they could also affect the lone parents and single parents ability to perform well in their job and potentially affect team morale.

Some people need more support than others to move on in their lives. Just looking at one aspect of a person's life, such as employment/unemployment is not the most useful way to help people move on in life.

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk

Parents

You know, sometimes Parents can have such a hard job of knowing that they have got it just right in terms of doing the best for their children. We all know that we do not graduate into adulthood with a book with the blueprint for raising our children, do we? And yet, as parents, we are expected to know exactly what to do for the best with and for our children from the moment that they are born until they fly the nest.

Do you remember the first time when you were left alone at home with your first newly born baby? Can you remember feeling or thinking: what on earth do I do now? I certainly do! There you are with this new baby, a living thing, a human being and what do you do with him or her? It's not as if you can just pick up the baby and put him/her in your handbag and be on your way and you are sorted for the rest of the day or the rest of your life. No! You need to start to think differently, do things differently, take on a whole new responsibility that only really hits you once you've had time to get used to the fact that you now have a baby.

I think that is still how I have felt from time to time as my children reached different milestones in growing up. For instance, starting or leaving primary school, becoming a teenager, challenging behaviour that is totally unexpected, discipline in general etc.

Sometimes we may want to parent in a different way, however, somehow we may seem to be parenting in a way that we did not like, e.g. the way that our parents brought us up and or that is detrimental to our children, but somehow we do not seem to be able to change what we are doing. That's because we have developed certain patterns and behaviour over time that run our lives now and we need to learn how to change these patterns.

What are your thoughts?

Jennifer McLeod
Parent Coach; Easy Tiger(tm) Parent Coaching Workshops; Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today!; Inspirational Relationship & Divorce Coach; Inspirational Action-Orientated Speaker
Tel: +44 (0)845 056 3840
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk