How Resilient Are Children Really?

How Resilient Are Children Really?

When a crisis or traumatic situation occurs we often hear people say something like “he/she will be fine. Children are very resilient. They will pull through it.”

Yes children and young people will “pull through” it but at what cost? At what cost to themselves? At what cost to society?

Let’s consider for a moment an adult experiencing a similar or the same traumatic experience, e.g. bereavement or marriage break up. How would the adult react to the situation?

They may have experiences such as:

• Numbness
• Being or feeling dumbfounded
• Feeling isolated
• Become angry
• Become aggressive
• Sullen
• Lash out at others
• Become excessively busy in an attempt to block the memories of the trauma/crisis
• Talk excessively
• Blame themselves for what happened
• Blame others for what happened
• Take on self destructive behaviours to cope with the situation (e.g. drugs, alcohol, self harm, abusing others etc)
• Being Fearful
• Begin to experience panic attacks
• Become tearful
• Take time off work
• Ask for compassionate leave
• Get depressed


Children are Humans too!

This list is only a minor sample of some possible ways that ADULTS react and cope with a crisis or traumatic situation. Given that children and young people are Humans too, aren’t they? Why then do so many adults think that children will be ok by simply leaving them to get over it by themselves? That their resilience will make it all ok?

Children and young people experience the same emotions that adults do when faced with trauma, except in some cases their emotions are camouflaged by “childish” behaviour because ……….they are children!

This does not mean that the underlying emotions that have driven them to behave in these “childish” ways have disappeared. This is their way of dealing with the trauma; they simply act out.

A child experiencing a trauma or crisis and who suddenly starts to fidget or talk excessively in the classroom or become sullen could very well be mirroring the behaviours of adults experiencing trauma. You will have undoubtedly heard of the sharp increase in self harm in the UK with young people, including the increase in suicide. Have you asked yourself what has driven these young people to these measures of coping?

Internalised Behaviour

If a child or young person is not given an opportunity to deal effectively with their emotions relating to the crisis, they will internalise the situation in a lot of different ways, especially self blame or self hatred and sooner or later we, society, will see and experience the result of that young person not receiving the REAL support that they needed at the time because they were deemed to be resilient enough to “pull through” it.

These same children are likely to be some of the ones labelled by society as yobs, thieves, hoodlums, no good or those exhibiting “inappropriate” behaviour and have been given ASBO’s (Anti Social Behaviour Order).
Some adults, including the medical profession, think that not talking to their children about the crisis/trauma will mean that the young person will forget about it. Wrong! The affects of the situation remain with children and they deal with them in different ways, which adults may label as childish or inappropriate behaviour

An author on self harm had a best friend who died when she was 7 years old and the author’s parents and doctor thought that it would be best not to discuss the trauma as she is likely to ‘forget’ about it in time. The author’s way of dealing with the situation was to internalise the sudden death of her friend by blaming herself for surviving which resulted in self harming behaviour for many years including as an adult.

In NLP we have a saying: “Perception is Projection”. That is, what you perceive in others is what you are projecting on to them. I have a very clear and distinct example of this projection experience from one of my managers many years ago, and it is one that I will always remember.

So please, as adults and as a society, let’s do a lot less labelling and negative projection on to our children and young people and lets do MORE of offering REAL help when they need it most. My belief is that children are born with “clean slate”. It’s society that teaches them how to behave!


Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Self Harm is on the Increase, or is it?

Contacts and new customers alike are amazed at the extent of self harm amongst young people and that the age at which children are self harming is getting young er and younger.

What is going on here? Is it that all of a sudden all these young people and adults have just decided to self harm or is that this is a situation that has been around for many decades but people are more willing to discuss it now and seek help now.

Before they may have been ridiculed or sectioned. Today, there are different remedies, though many professionals are unsure as to how to deal with and treat someone who self harms, and that also includes the medical profession.

What are your thoughts?

Is self harm a new fad?

Is it more acceptable now to talk about it in public?

Share your thoughts here.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/kojutv

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course

The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course

24 November 2009

Do you often wonder.....?

• Why men and women who self harm can't just get over their past and move on?


• What's stopping them from moving on?


• What it means that adults are self harming or still self harming?


• What about the elderly who self harm?


• Is self harm the cause of their circumstances and experiences or a symptom?

The Psychology of Self Harm and Behaviour Course taking place 24 November 2009, BIRMINGHAM, UK.

BOOK your Place NOW! Just a few places left. Book now to avoid disappointment

Email: info@jennifermcleod.co.uk or telephone/fax +44 (0) 121 551 1668

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Get Selfish by Jennifer McLeod

In this Issue:

¨ Welcome from Jennifer McLeod
¨ Schools & Other Newsletters
¨ Mobile Phone Directory launches next week
¨ Featured # Article: Get Selfish
¨ What’s On?

Welcome from Jennifer McLeod

Hi All,

And welcome. How are you all out there?

It seems a while since my last blog. I have missed writing them and being in touch with you, however, please do keep sending your comments and feedback.

For the last few months I have had back to back Easy Tiger Parents Workshops, Born To Win! Programme For Young People Workshops and of course, The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course in May 2009. My last Parent Workshop is in two weeks and I am definitely looking forward to taking a much needed break to rejuvenate, recharge my batteries in readiness for the autumn term.

Early on at the start of going into business, one thing that Peter Thomson, business development specialist of Pti International said at one of his seminars was when planning for the year ahead, the first thing that should go in your diary is your holiday. Make planning your holiday and time out for you and your family a priority over the business. So true! This is what I do at the start of every year, even if I don’t know what we will be doing or where we will be going, the time gets booked out in the diary first.

Have you planned your holiday or time out yet?

Enjoy this blog and have a great summer break

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter www.twitter.com/EasyTigerParents
______________________________________________________________________

Schools & Other Newsletters

Do you want to share this blog in your own newsletter, blog or website?

I have had requests from schools & others about including my articles in their own newsletters.

Schools and other readers may do so, providing the article remains intact and you credit the author (me) and include the following credits with it:

Jennifer McLeod’s mission is to liberate parents, families and young people and is the Creator of Easy Tiger Parent System™ and Born To Win! Programme For Young People. To subscribe to her free email newsletter and get access to top tips, visit http://www.jennifer-mcleod.blogspot.com/ or email parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

____________________________________________________________________

Mobile Phone Directory launches next week

A new Mobile Phone Directory launches next week.

I have grave concerns about implications and safeguarding issues for children and young people with adults and youngsters being able to get their mobile numbers from this directory. For others to be able to access your mobile phones in this way has far reaching implications than the normal landline.

If you haven’t already done so, click on the link below to unsubscribe your mobile phone, if you wish.

http://www.118800.co.uk/removeme/remove-me.htmlhttp://www.118800.co.uk/removeme/remove-me.html

Or check out further information about the directory here
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/working_lunch/8091621.stm
At the time of writing this article, the http://www.118800.co.uk/ website had been offline for couple days and the service is now ‘suspended for improvements’. Hhhmm? Quite a convenient time for the service to be offline or suspended when people are attempting to unsubscribe before the launch!

The Communications Officer might have given her consent for this service, but she didn’t ask us and my service provider didn’t seek my permission to release my mobile number.
I have contacted Central ITV news about this (they didn’t know anything about it either!) and a friend of mine has contacted Ed Doolan of Radio West Midlands (WM). If you feel as strongly as we do about this service, then please take some form of action to prevent it being launched or used.

Although it is offline now, I think we still need to be vigilant. Please let me know if you discover that it is back online. Thank you.
_____________________________________________________________________

Featured # Article: Get Selfish!

When I work with parents as part of my Easy Tiger Parents Programme, I use a term I call “positive selfishness”, whereby I encourage parents to focus on themselves. For instance, a parent that I have worked with has two children, one is attention seeking and the other is hyperactive. The parents are arguing and there is tension in the home. The parents focus is for me to give them tools and solutions to manage their children’s behaviour. My response is to work with the parents to manage their own emotions/challenges (behaviour), bringing about a calmer atmosphere and environment in the house, which in itself, will help to put their children at ease and be more re-assured and self assured.

If you focus your attention on loving you, or learning to love yourself, nurturing you, feeding yourself with the correct food and knowledge, supporting you, respecting you, giving to you, then you are in a better position to attend to others around you and their needs, including your children.

How can you love others?

How can you love others if you don’t love or know how to love yourself? How can you truly respect others if you don’t know how to respect yourself? Loving yourself could well mean starting from scratch to learn to love yourself, as I did, especially if you hadn’t learnt this from your parents. So be it, start right there.

One parent thought that this sounded a bit like a cliché but then realised it was indeed what was needed in order to change the situation and circumstances in her home. She was so focused on what her husband was/was not doing that she missed what she was/was not doing and this in itself created more of the friction at home.

Some people tend to project outwards and want to ‘fix’ everyone else or blame everyone else for what’s going on and going wrong in their lives. This is sadly, exactly the same for some parents. These parents find it far easier to focus on the children’s behaviour rather than admit that it’s their own ‘stuff’ that’s creating the situation, circumstances and environment that the children react to, ‘act out’, and children are then labelled by parents, schools and others as ‘naughty’, ‘misbehaving’ a ‘trouble maker’ or ‘always up to no good’. Children and young people who self harm are also reacting to their conditions and environments.

Parents’ and others projecting outwards is the problem! If we, as parents and adults stopped and stepped back to focus more on ourselves and look inwards, we wouldn’t need to do a lot of mopping up and attempting to fix the children!

Disheartening

I get disheartened when some parents opt out of the process when they realise that the focus needs to be more on them than on the children. It is far easier and more comfortable to treat the whole situation as a problem with the kids. Ok, I accept that some parents may not be ready to deal with their emotional ‘stuff’/baggage or Emotional Roadblocks™, and that we are all at our own stage of development, however, what happens to the children in the meantime when the parent does nothing at all to deal with their ‘stuff’? It’s all about taking a small step! And I actively encourage parents to take small steps especially if they are just starting out on their journey of development or discovery.

When my eldest son started having constant stomach pains/crams at the age of about 5, resulting form tension at home between me and his dad, this was my trigger to do something about the relationship, myself and make some life changing, yet very difficult decisions.

We teach others how to treat us. Likewise, when we project our problems and ‘stuff’ outwards, we are really teaching our children to blame other people for their problems, aren’t we? If this is the case, how can we therefore tell our children to ‘take responsibility for your behaviour’?

After my divorce and alongside horrible experiences at work, I used to mediate for roughly 10 – 15 minutes as soon as I got home from work. I know that my children experienced a much better, calmer and balanced mum than if I had not taken those few minutes out.

Learning “positive selfishness” is what took me out of my unhealthy and abusive situations in the past, so that I could offer my children a lot more than I had and a better perspective on life.

Spiritual hour

‘Positive selfishness’ is not self conceitedness and focuses on creating and finding a balance in mind, body and soul. I strongly recommend that parents create and take ‘me time’ or ‘spiritual hour’ for themselves to recharge their batteries, relax, unwind and rejuvenate so that they come back to the children in a much calmer & healthier state of mind. This helps to prevent children being shouted at or being blamed for ‘stuff’ that really belongs to their parents.

Now over to you!

Q: What would need to happen in order for you to change one small thing, that if you did, it would make a huge difference to your children and family life?

This article © Jennifer McLeod 2009. All Rights Reserved

____________________________________________________________________

What’s On?


The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course – Young People

Thank You to all practitioners working with young people who attended May 2009 Self Harm & Behaviour Course. The Course was hugely oversubscribed and proved to be very popular. We even had people contacting us up to 1 day before start of the course. Thank you also for those that forwarded the course information and recommended it to others. Much appreciated!

Here’s what some of the delegates had to say about the Course:

“The Course has given me confidence to perhaps speak out and state concerns about a child who may be self harming”
Anita Rankin, Yarlswood Immigration Centre

“I am aware of different perspectives of people that self harm and understanding the background behaviour that could prevent this.”
Michelle Tennant, Hatchford Primary School

“Inspirational and down to earth!” Janice Costley, Lode Heath School

“Made me feel more confident that my approach is appropriate when working with children and young people.”
Godfrey Tomlinson, Family Support Team, Birmingham City Council

“Fantastic! Great to know lots of techniques to start using to help children to be more aware.”
Alice Hanlon, Colmers School

“I am aware of what self harm is. It is not attention seeking. Very relevant in my current role with young people.”
Bernie Flynn, West Midlands Police

Our next Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course for practitioners working with young people will be taking place Tuesday 18 May 2010. Please put this date in your diary and watch out for further information & joining instructions later on in the year.

____________________________________

The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course – for Women/Men

We have also had requests from some of you about a Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course for women/men.

This could be adults who are self harming or practitioners working with adults who are self harming.

As such, a new Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course will be taking place Tuesday 24 November 2009 in Birmingham, UK.

We are taking bookings for this course now and further information will be sent out shortly.

______________________________________

Easy Tiger Parents System™

For further information and to book Easy Tiger Parents Programmes for your organisation/company, contact me at parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

‘Jennifer taught me that for me to create a happier environment, I need to be happy within myself. I can use exercises, that are fantastic, and I’m automatically going to walk out of here with my head held high!
This Course has helped me to look at my life so much more positively and different and if I ever get down, there are so many exercises that I can do. The Course is like a breath of fresh air! It has shown me how to change negative thinking into positive thinking and by doing that I’m calmer and feel a much stronger person completely.’
Sonya, Burnt Tree Children’s Centre Parent

_________________________________

Born To Win! Programme For Young People

For further information and to book Born To Win! Programme For Young People contact me at youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

'The Born To Win! Workshop was a very good Workshop. It offered helpful advice and is refreshing to learn. The Speaker was Brill! ‘Born To Win!’ is like a stepping stone to your future.’
Jemma, Student at Stourbridge College

_______________________________

Born To Win! Ebook

I will finally be launching my Born To Win! Ebook that you can buy online at the click of a button.

Watch this space for more information shortly.


FEEDBACK and Comments about this Blog?
I always welcome any feedback you may have. Add your comments about this article here.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course

The Psychology of Self Harm and Behaviour Course
Wednesday 13 May 2009

“The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course raised awareness of issues and offered strategies for dealing with these.”
Carol Kenny, Queen Mary’s High School

Do you often wonder why….?

ð More young people are getting confused and ‘acting out’?
ð Some children and young people self harm?
ð Some children and young people behave in a particular way and don’t seem to be able to break the habit?
ð Suicide is on the increase amongst young people?
ð Some young people appear to be apathetic?
ð Seemingly very intelligent young people throw their opportunities away and end up mixing with the wrong crowd, getting pregnant or get into debilitating habits like drug taking, alcohol or joining gangs?

This 1 Day Course will cover:
Ö An awareness of the underlying emotional and psychological challenges, patterns and beliefs that might be running young people’s lives.
Ö How our inner world has a major impact on our outer world and the people around us
Ö Letting go of negative emotions
Ö Interpreting Positive intentions relating to self harm behaviour
Ö Possible signs to look out for
Ö How YOU can have a great positive impact on children and the young people that you work with and manage self harm differently
Ö How your communication can make the difference to young people
Ö Tools, strategies for support and change of self harm behaviour

“The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course helped me to feel inspired again! It reinforced what my role is and how I can make a positive difference. It was great that you shared your experience with us, which added credence and authenticity to what you were saying. I feel more able to delve deeper and confident in dealing with self harm.”
Julia Clarke, St Paul’s RC School

The emphasis of this Course is on the emotional and psychological issues that precedes the actual self harm activity.

It takes YOU on a journey of discovering and uncovering the awareness of issues and circumstances that may trigger self harm activities in young people.

Additionally, the Course provides delegates with effective tools and strategies to support young people in dealing with self harm

“It has given me some practical strategies in order to work with pupils who self harm, and I now have a greater understanding of why pupils ‘self harm’”
Maureen Davis, St John Wall School

Finally, included in The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course are modules for you as a professional to identify how you can support yourself and parents better and differently within self harm and other aspects of your work with young people.

DATE: Wednesday 13 May 2009
Investment: £177 (Recession buster - £31 discount off 2008 price!!!)
Venue: Central Birmingham, B5
Time: 09.30 – 4.00pm
Complimentary Breakfast & Lunch and refreshments will be provided.

WHO SHOULD ATTEND?

Anyone working with children and young people, including:
Ö Teachers
Ö Social Workers
Ö Youth Workers
Ö LEA (Local Education Authority) staff
Ö Foster Carers
Ö Extended School Staff
Ö Child Protection Teams
Ö Probation Officers; Prison Officers
Ö Family Support Workers
Ö Connexions Staff
Ö Primary Care Trust
Ö Residential Staff
Ö Learning Mentors/Mentor
Ö Teaching Assistants/Support Staff
Ö C.A.M.S Staff

For further information contact Jennifer McLeod on
+44 (0) 121 551 1668 or email youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk.

What do you do now?

Contact us now youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk to book your place Today!

This is on a first come first served basis only and delegates who have paid will have their places secured.

** Places are limited. Please book your place now to avoid disappointment**


“The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course has given me fresh insight and strategies to use and to know what to look out for. Thank you so much. I was very inspired by what you do and useful to hear about your own personal experiences.”
Jan Loxley, Primrose Hill Community School

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Featured Article: #1
Giving Your Children Focused Attention
By Jennifer McLeod

As parents living in a fast paced society, it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, concern ourselves with all the chores that need to be done and give what little time we have left to our children.

“Quality time” means different things to different people. Giving just five minutes ‘quality time’ to children isn’t the answer and doesn’t go very far in meeting children’s needs. All children need real time from their parents, not just to make them feel special, however, also a natural part of the nurturing, development, secure relationship building, guidance and supportive processes that parents need to provide.

Recently, I took some downtime, which also allowed me to immerse myself in to some chores around the house. Taking this downtime made me wonder how on earth I manage my busy schedule, a home and make time for the children. It’s a case of prioritising. And no I don’t always get it right! However, it’s about having the focus to make your children a priority in your life because no one else will do this for you, unless of course you have a nanny that takes care of their practical needs, but this in no way replaces the love and attention that children need and deserve from their own parents. Time flies by so quickly these days that before you know it, your children have reached the age of 16 and able to make some of their own decisions which includes leaving the family home.

Children and young people need to know that you love them and they need to see and experience this behaviourally rather than just auditory, i.e. what you say. That is, you need to show your children that you love them, and not just tell them!

So how do you give your children focused attention?

¨ Hug your children!
Big and small, old and young, they all still need to be hugged. And they are still your children irrespective of how old they are. Hugging your children is so much easier when they are young children. Hugging your teenagers, on the other hand, is an art in itself. This is one of those occasions where you need to tread carefully as your teens go through an interesting, challenging, frustrating and confusing phase in their lives. Make it easier for both of you by following your teens lead. For instance, not hugging them in front of their friends unless they instigate it, nor outside of school.

Don’t make the mistake, however, of thinking that your children do not need a hug. We all do! Don’t you just feel so much better, connected and loved when someone gives you a hug? Just because your teenager is not approaching you for a hug, does not mean that they do not need one. They will be following your lead and it takes courage to take the first step, especially if there is an element of hostility between you.

Also, be willing to say sorry and apologise to your teen if you need to. It’s amazing how many barriers that the word ‘sorry’ can break down, don’t you think?

An alternative to hugging your teen, depending on how receptive they are to your hugs, is a simple touch or pat on the head, shoulders, knees, or back will suffice to show your teen that you love them. This can even be done as you walk past them, which might get a few grunts a long the way from you teen, but don’t let up on physical contact.

One parent that I have recently worked with as part of my Easy Tiger Parent System™, said that she had no problems hugging and being playful with her 3 year old. However, she only hugs her 10 year old at bedtime.

Whilst her 10 year old might not be moaning or saying anything about not being hugged at other times, she will be very aware that her sibling is getting a lot more hugs and her parents attention that she is and, at a psychological level and to make sense of it, may blame herself for her parents not hugging her as much.

I appreciate some parents may find hugging difficult especially if they were not shown affection by their parents as a child. I fell into that category too, however, I made the decision that it would be different for my children.


¨ Give them loving eye contact
Give your children eye contact when you are communicating with them. It sounds such a simple thing to do, yet it is so easy to be so busy whilst talking to your children that you focus on what you are busy doing that you don’t realise that you are not making eye contact. I’ve done it too. What do we say to our children when we are talking to them and they are looking every where else but at us? That’s right! ‘Look at me when I am talking to you1’. And where do they get that behaviour from? That’s right, probably you.

Additionally, give your children loving eye contact generally and not just give them eye contact when you are telling them off.

¨ Loving discipline
All children need boundaries and discipline which, as responsible parents, we provide them with for a healthy, balanced and positive childhood.

Boundaries are necessary guidelines to help your children to manage and self regulate themselves and their environment. Children and young people who are not given boundaries lose self control and look to their peers to plug the gap and fill that need. Even young people who argue vehemently about boundaries and restrictions, need boundaries and in the long run, will be grateful for them being in place and enforced.

I recently heard of a young person who was in tears because her parents didn’t give her any boundaries to guide her growth and development. She is wishing they had. And yes, it is a fine line between giving children and young people too much latitude and being too restrictive.

Having sound values that you are clear about as a parent and shared with the family, in line with your goals for your family, will help you to identify where you stand regarding boundaries. I appreciate that for some people whose own childhood experiences may prove to be challenging and perhaps cast doubts on their ability to identify clear values and therefore healthy boundaries. To them I would say simply make them up! Having some boundaries is better than having none at all. As time goes on, monitor, review and adjust them to what feels or looks just right for you.

Sometimes our parents’ values don’t always serve our purpose as adults and parents in our own right. So take control of your life and do your own thing. Do what feels right for your family.

Loving discipline helps children and young people to learn about what is right or wrong and to develop responsibility and accountability for their actions. This is in the form of natural consequences of their behaviour and not necessarily punishment for their behaviour. I have to say that it took me a while to get clear about the difference between consequences and punishment, I guess because I only ever had punishment as a child. So an example of a natural consequence is when one of my sons left his blazer at school because it had a rip in it and expecting that it would just be replaced. He had a shock when I told him that he had to replace the blazer using his own money. As apposed to punishing him by maybe grounding him say for a week. There is no direct correlation here with what he has done, and potentially the punishment could cause confusion.

Other healthy options of consequences can take many forms e.g. applying restrictions to teenager’s movements, whether this means being sent to their room or prevented from going out for days or a week. Clearly the discipline needs to be age related.

Whilst being a parent can be a thankless ‘job’ at the best of times, we owe it to our children to do everything possible to create secure relationships with them. That could well involve doing what we need to do to develop ourselves to make it happen.


Go and enjoy hugging your children, giving them loving eye contact and loving discipline.

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Thank you
© Jennifer McLeod 2009

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Knife victim Damilola Taylor speaks to the Prime Minister

Knife victim Damilola Taylor speaks to the Prime Minister

"I will travel far and wide to choose my destiny to remould the world. I know it is my destiny to defend the world which I hope to achieve in my lifetime".
Damilola Taylor, a small boy with a huge vision! He wrote this at the age of 10.

Well, he doesn’t exactly speak to the Prime Minister! Damilola Taylor’s father, Richard Taylor does as the government’s special envoy on youth violence and knife crime.

As you all may remember, Damilola was a victim of knife crime at the age of 11 in 2000.

Richard Taylor’s role includes working with other victim’s families to identify ways of changing young people’s behaviour and attitudes.

As such, Richard wants to hear from YOU. Let him know your views on what underpins youth violence and what we can do to eradicate it. Share your views directly with Richard Taylor and Gordon Brown at The Damilola Taylor Trust website http://www.damilolataylortrust.com/ or email info@damilolataylortrust.com

This is your opportunity to have direct access to Gordon Brown and tell him what you think about supporting our young people, our future.

For me personally, one of the main challenges that I see young people facing is the constant negative press, negative messages and labelling that they are receiving from adults and society as a whole. Just look at any news headlines regarding young people and see what you think. A most recent example was when we had the snow and young people were doing exactly the same as we did back in our days – snow ball ‘fights’. However, today, young people are labelled as exhibiting ‘anti-social behaviour’ for snow ball ‘fights!’ Is it any wonder that they react negatively?

I would like to see us get to a stage as a nation where we can allow young people ‘free play’ and have more facilities for them to do so. By that I mean that they have facilities for free outdoor activities similar to children’s play areas where they are allowed to ‘free play’ without being supervised by police or youth workers. For instance, skateboarding facilities.

Let me know your thoughts, and most importantly tell Gordon Brown what you think via Richard Taylor.

Although Damilola did not achieve his vision in his lifetime, he can achieve it through you in his memory.

“The bumblebee’s wings are so thin and its body so big, it should not be able to fly. The only problem is, the bee doesn’t know that!”
David Lindsey

Take a leaf out of Damilola’s book and decide on your vision today and act like a bumble bee to achieve it!

Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/JenniferMcLeod see what is going on and let me know your thoughts. It is free for you to join and set up your own account

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Who is more confused....?

Who is more confused…?

Legal Age for Young People to survive in the UK


Who is more confused? Young people or adults (i.e. adults being government, society, parents, police, teachers)?

Young people are indeed more confused in today’s society more than ever before, but where does all this confusion come from?

One example of the origin of this confusion is regarding legal ages for young people to survive in the UK.

There are many things that I believe contradict the ages stipulated by legislation in order for young people to live and survive in today’s society in the UK.

Young people already receive a range of mixed messages every day from society which adds further to their confusion.

Have a look at the information below relating to legal ages for young people living in the UK and let me know what you think.

For instance,

At the age of 10, young people can:

- Be convicted of an offence, but not imprisoned

At the age of 12, young people can:

- From 12 years old young people can be incarcerated (not imprisoned) in special units, e.g. Local Authority Secure Units (LASUs)

At the age of 13, young people can:

- Be employed for a certain number of hours a week

At the age of 14, young people can:

- Go to the pub, but cannot drink or buy alcohol - Are responsible for wearing a seat belt

At the age of 15, young people can:

- Be a ‘juvenile offender’ in custody in juvenile units in Young Offender Institutions (YOI)

At the age of 16, young people can:

- Get a job
- Get married, with consent from one parent or legal guardian
- Have a baby
- Go to college? (UK legislations have changed recently where young people must stay on at school until they are 18).
- Have a licence to drive/ride a moped
- Buy a national lottery ticket
- Visit a young offender only with their own parents or with written permission from a responsible adult
- Age of consent for sexual relationships
- Claim social security benefit
- Be interviewed by the police with any responsible adult
- Choose their own doctor
- Work full-time
- Leave home with parents’ consent
- Drink wine or beer in a restaurant

At the age of 17, young people can:

- Go to college?
- Visit a young offender with a responsible adult
- Have a provisional driving licence for any vehicle except certain heavy ones
- Be interviewed by the police without parents or any other ‘responsible adult’ and therefore be treated as an adult

- Purchase an air rifle
- Have legal proceedings without involvement of parents or any other responsible adult
- Engage in street trading
- Leave home without parents’ consent

At the age of 18, young people can:

- Change their name
- Buy alcohol (only in some places. The permitted age to buy and consume alcohol varies across the UK from 18 – 25 years of age. Some retail outlets require young people as old as 25 to provide proof of their age)
- Go abroad to sing, play or perform professionally
- Appear before adult courts
- Go to a night club
- Sit on a jury
- Be a ‘young offender’ in custody Young Offender Institutions (YOI)
- Visit a young offender on their own
- Apply for a passport
- Act as an executor of a person’s will

- Be Deported from the UK even if they had, previous to becoming 18 years of age, been looked after by local authorities as a separated and vulnerable young person (separated children is the term used to describe children who are ‘outside their country and separated from their parents or legal or customary carers’)
- Be detained in a detention centre on attaining the age of 18, as an alternative to or prior to deportation as above.
- Buy cigarettes
- Leave school
- Get married without parents’ consent
- Vote
- Bet
- Own houses and land
- Be a blood donor
- Apply for a mortgage
- Buy fireworks
- Hold a licence to sell alcohol
- Drink alcohol in a pub

NB: Some ages may vary in Scotland.

Any surprises here for you? Let me know what you think.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Manipulative Parents

Hi Melissa

Manipulative Parents
Thank you for your comments and query.

It is always sad and unfortunate for the child caught up in between parents’ fights and manipulative situations.

Each circumstance is different, however. I also appreciate how frustrating this situation can be for you both.

With my situation years ago, I wrote my ex-husband a strong letter about his mistreatment of the children and then backed off, with the letter clearly stating that the boys will see him for what he is and what he is doing to them. Once I had stopped fighting him, my ex-husband didn’t have much to fight about and it was only then that the extent of the harassment (to me) and mistreatment of our sons stopped.

The most essential requirement in your situation is for you and your husband to be totally open and honest with your stepson about exactly what is going on. My advice would be to stay strong, supportive, and available for your stepson, encouraging him to talk about the situation.

Perhaps another way forward is sending his mum a written proposal of how the holidays could be shared and keep a copy of the letter, which at a much later date could be shown to your stepson if the situation continues.

My own parenting plan includes my children alternating between spending Christmas and New Year with us respectively. That is, this year, it’s their dad’s turn to have the boys for the whole of the Christmas week and my turn to have them for the whole of the New Year week. Next Year it will be my turn to have them for the whole of the Christmas break. The children know this and therefore they know what to expect and have adjusted to the arrangements accordingly.

As your stepson gets older, he will also be in a position to choose who he wants to spend Christmas with and will start to see things for himself. He will also start asking questions as to why he is not able to see his dad at Christmas.

As far as taking the situation back to court to find a solution, only you and your husband will know if that is the best solution for you all.

For a more in-depth elaboration on this topic and solutions to move forward, Read More Here: http://snurl.com/20u2qw  

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
http://www.stepup-international.co.uk/
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

How Do You Stop or Deal With A Manipulative Parent?

How Do You Stop Or Deal With A Manipulative Parent?

Some parents get blinded by their own emotions and stuff going on in their lives that they fail to see the affects, hurt and damage caused by their actions. One of such examples is a parent who use and manipulate their children to get their own way against the other parent.

In my opinion, anyone who uses innocent children in that way is a coward.

So what do you do if you find yourself in the position of having your partner or your ex use and manipulate your children to get back at you or get their own way? How do you deal with the situation if they are the manipulative parent?


Well, first and foremost be clear and acknowledge that this has nothing to do with your child (children) and that it is you that your partner or ex is really attempting to get back at or hurt in some way. Also, be clear that your son/daughter is NOT responsible for being used in this way, they are just children and it is all about your partner’s manipulative parenting!


For a more in-depth elaboration on this topic and solutions to move forward, Read More Here: http://snurl.com/20u2qw 

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™

Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Young Lone Fathers - TV documentary

Hi there,

I have had a request from Lucy below, regarding a proposed TV documentary. Whilst I work with teenage parents as part of my Easy Tiger Parent System™, I haven't worked with young lone fathers yet.

Do you know any young lone fathers? If you are able to help in any way, please contact Lucy directly on the details below.

"I am interested in speaking to someone about the parent coaching sessions you hold for teenagers with regard to a project I am working on for the BBC.

My name is Lucy Hinson and I am a researcher for Love Productions - a highly respected documentary production company whose credits include Young Mums’ Mansion and Filthy Rich and Homeless.

We are currently working on a new documentary programme following young single dads and their experiences of bringing up a child. Young single dads are often overlooked by the media and society at large and we want to find out what life is really like for lone fathers bringing up a child on their own and how this may compare or contrast with the experiences of young single mothers.

We are particularly interested in speaking to young dads, between 15 and 18 years old, who are the main or sole carer of their children, whether as a result of relationship breakup, illness, custody decisions, bereavement etc.

I’m hoping to speak to as many individuals, professionals and support groups as possible who may have experience in this field. If you or someone you know can help, it would be greatly appreciated. At this stage I am conducting background research into the subject so even if the idea of taking part in a TV programme doesn’t appeal, I would still like to hear from you. All information will of course be in strictest confidence.

I can be contacted on 0207 067 4838 or by email lucy.hinson@loveproductions.co.uk."

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

How many dormant ‘lizards’ do you have lying around?

How many dormant ‘lizards’ do you have lying around?

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results” Einstein

Too often we allow our fears to hold us back believing them to be real and unchangeable. Most often than not, they are really nothing at all like we imagined them to be.

The following example of my eldest son and his friend illustrates this point:

One night whilst on holiday abroad at Easter, my eldest son and his friend believed they spotted a lizard near the hotel. That night they were playing ‘macho’ boys pretending not to be scared, though it was evident that they were. The next morning they went back to check if the lizard was still there. To their surprise it was not a lizard at all, but…… a piece of a branch. There was obvious relief and excitement when they discovered that the ‘lizard’ was not a lizard at all. Had they not gone back to check, they probably would have lived the rest of their lives believing that Spain was a scary place to visit as it had ‘lizards.’

So let me ask you: How many dormant ‘lizards’ do you have lying around? Go back and check your fears again. How real are they now? Do they even look anything like the ‘lizards’ you imagined them to be?

Quick TIP:
For a reality check and to release your ‘lizards’: write down your ‘lizards’ (situation/fear) on a piece of paper and then ask yourself the following:

· How real is this ‘lizard’?
· What else could this ‘lizard’ mean?
· How much longer will I allow this ‘lizard’ to control my actions, my life?
· Is this ‘lizard’ worthy of me?
· What if it were ok to let go of this ‘lizard’ now?

Allow yourself to let go of your ‘lizards’ today. Or will you allow them to cancel the rest of your life?

If you are a parent, on a psychological level, your children pick up on the ‘lizards’ that you are holding onto. Generally they will repeat these same patterns if you continue to hold onto them. Are you happy with your ‘lizards’? Do you really want to hold onto them? Are you happy to transfer them to your children?

(Of course if you really do have giant ‘alligators’ then you need to seek help to get rid of them. Take that action today.)

Good luck and let me know how you got on.

Feedback

Your feedback is important to me. Leave a comment about this article here or send to parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

Forward this Article

Lastly, if you have found this article beneficial, others you know might too. Please forward it today to anyone you think might find it useful

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

All rights reserved (c) 2008

Andrew Johnston beat the bullies

• Andrew Johnston beat the bullies!
  By Jennifer McLeod, June 2008
  
  I applaud Andrew Johnston, 13 year old contestant on ‘Britain’s Got Talent 2008 Show’, for having the courage to admit to 12 million people across the nation that he was being bullied because of the love of his passion……..singing opera.
  
  I want to let Andrew Johnston know that it is absolutely ok for him to cry when he didn’t win the coveted prize of appearing on the Royal Variety Show, BUT he won the nation’s heart!

• He is a winner because of his courage!
• He is a winner because he stood up to the bullies!
• He is a winner because he has the most superb natural voice for his age! (and as singing was my childhood ambition I would have loved to have had his voice when I was his age).
• He is a winner because he showed not only the judges, but especially the bullies, what he is really made of!
• He is a winner because he gained great confidence and height in just a matter of weeks
• He is a winner because HE CAN!!
  
  All respect to Andrew’s mum who stood by him and continued to support and nurture him throughout a time in their lives which must of been particularly difficult when he was being bullied for his passion.
  
  “When you follow your heart’s desires and do that one thing that’s been niggling away inside you, it’s likely to be that one thing that will make your heart sing.”
  Jennifer McLeod © 2006
  
  Young people are bullied for all kinds of reasons, which includes being different. I was privileged to be crewing with Tony Robbins in October 2006 when a 14 year old teenager, Laura, shared with an audience of 13,000 that she had attempted suicide 5 times because she was excluded from all groups at school for being different……… …why?…she liked rock music!! Tony Robbins had Laura rocking on stage to her favourite rock music and she had 13 thousand adults applauding and rocking with her. She truly rocked! And was a changed young lady by the time she left that seminar. Laura was able to appreciate that it was truly ok to be different and that it was people who are different that are shaping the world, movers and shakers and having an impact on other people’s lives. You only need to think about people like Nelson Mandela, Hitler, Mother Teresa and the Tallest Man in the World
  
  Another group of young people and teenagers being bullied at school are very bright, intelligent boys who then pretend that they don’t have that brilliance just to fit in with their peers. Let’s teach the other young people to look at and accept their own brilliance with the strong message that there is no need to be frightened of their brilliance!
  
  “When you go for what you really want in life, you are helping people more than you realise.”
  Jennifer McLeod © 2006
  
  Bullying is one of the topics that I cover with young people as a part of my Born To Win! Programme for Young People. The Programme helps young people and teenagers to discuss the negative messages that they are getting from society at large and from their own home or school environments, and how they can replace the negative messages with more empowering beliefs for themselves, to create the life they want as apposed to the life that they fall into.
  
  
  “I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If only I'd known that one day my differentness would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier”
  Bette Midler
  
  What can we do as adults and parents to help young people and teenagers be more accepting of others? This for me, starts with adults and parents! How much are we accepting of others including young people and teenagers and how much do we accept ourselves? We only need to look at newspaper articles or listen to the news to see how much adults do not like people who are different and how we can make people’s lives hell because of their differences!
  
  The Independent reports that more and more adults in the UK are afraid of young people and teenagers, however, labelling teenagers as ‘yobs’ or ‘tyrants’ does nothing to alleviate this. It’s only a minority of teenagers that are violent or hurt other people.
  
  “Children always know more than they can put into words: that distinguishes them from us adults, who usually put into words so much than we know.”
  J.Lusseyran
  
  Young people and teenagers are given so much stick in today’s society that it’s any wonder that any of them survive the stereotypes and assumptions as a generation with healthy mindsets. With so much negative press aimed at young people, it can be difficult to encourage young people to be confident in themselves.
  
  The judges on ‘Britain’s Got Talent Show’, Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden?, Piers Morgan, did a great job (in the main), of boosting young people and teenagers courage, confidence, and self esteem with their constructive comments (in the main). Kate from Kate and Gin Act leaves the Show a changed person from the very shy nervous person to being able to step outside of her comfort zone and step up to the challenge of being on stage in front of thousands of people.
  
  Numerous young people from 8 years old upwards entered the Finals, showing adults what they really can do, working and fighting hard to get that coveted prize and place in the Royal Variety Show. From their absolutely brilliant performances, it was inevitable that at least one young person would be in the top 3 and were favourites to win, and sure enough, two of them were: George Sampson (the winner), Andrew Johnston (third place and a winner in his own right) and Signature (adults – runner up).
  
  The semi-finals of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ was dominated by young people and teenagers, including:
  
• The Cheeky Monkeys – aged 8 & 9
• Andrew Johnston - Opera
• Nemesis – Street Dance Group who trained and practiced at any available opportunity after work and any available space they could call their own, even if it meant practicing at a bus stop/shelter instead of dance studio with mirrors. Sheer will power and determination, and that’s what I really like about this group, apart from the fact that they are great dancers.
• George Sampson – singing in the rain ‘Mr Determination’
• Faryl Smith – where did she get that voice? A very ‘mature’ 12 year old and indeed very special
• Escala – fantastic talent and entertaining, string quartet
• Kate and Gin – very unique Act and Kate’s ability to communicate with Gin, the dog, is out of this world!
• Andrew Muir – plumber from Scotland and lot more besides!
  
  George Sampson won because of his sheer fighting spirit and determination to win and continue in his self belief to prove to the judges that they were wrong about him last year. That said, he is also a very talented teenager who was busking on streets in UK, before he auditioned for the ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ Show
  
  This is the first time for years that I have watched so much television, but it was worth it, watching children, young people and teenagers excel in the way that they did.
  
  I do not normally watch the Royal Variety Show, but this year I will make an exception and it will be one not to be missed!
  
  These young people and teenagers were all winners and clearly Born To Win!
  
  If you need any clarification or support on any of the serious matters of bullying or supporting teenagers and young people, contact me, Jennifer McLeod on youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
  
  © Jennifer McLeod 2008

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Parents of yobs face court threat

Parents of yobs face court threat

pa.press.net - 01.06.2008 06:15 FROM MSN NEWS

Here's an article that I got from MSN News today, hot off the press. See what you think.

Parents who fail to stop their children drinking in public face court action in a new drive by ministers to get a grip on drunken youths marauding the streets.
The move will be unveiled as part of a raft of measures designed to curb binge-drinking among teenagers and children as young as 10.

Youths who regularly drink alcohol in public will be committing an offence under new legislation.
Police will also be handed tougher powers to disperse gangs of youngsters congregating in the street and other popular hangouts like parks and bus shelters.

The cross-Whitehall drive comes amid heightened concern among voters about anti-social behaviour and alcohol abuse among younger people.

It will see teenagers persistently possessing alcohol in public subjected to anti-social behaviour orders (Asbos) and acceptable behaviour contracts.

Their parents will be hit by similar orders and contracts - including the requirement to attend parenting courses - if they fail to get their children to "change their ways". Ultimately, they could be prosecuted.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said professionals would be called in where parents were unable to handle their offspring.
"Groups of under-18s drinking in public are an all too familiar sight," she said.
"This type of drinking increases youth anti-social behaviour and crime, puts young people in vulnerable situations and I want to put a stop to it."



What do I think?

Me, I think this is just another way of the government driving another wedge between parents and young people, teenagers and applying even more pressure to parents and their teens than perhaps already exists, because the government fails to prevent shopkeepers from selling alcohol to young people. The question to ask, is how did the teenagers get the drink in the first place?

Worst still, the police will be given even more powers to DISPERSE young people on if they congregate in a group in PARKS, STREETS OR BUS SHELTERS!

This for me is just another example of the government and the police heightening the problem and stereotypes about young people. If young people and teenagers can't meet as a normal group in the PARK, where else can they meet!!???? The young people are referred to in the article above as 'yobs' and 'gangs'. Is it any wonder why more and more adults are needlessly fearful of teenagers when we are constantly bombarded with such negative language and images of young people??!!

What do you think? Have you say here

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Did you know it was an inside job?

Did You Know it was an “Inside Job”?

People come into your life for a reason and being in a relationship provides us with undoubtedly the hardest challenges we face as adults as we are seldom taught to truly love ourselves as children, yet we are expected to know how to love other people as adults in very deep, meaningful, life changing situations such as that posed by marriages and other long term relationships. Relationships teach us, help us to learn life’s lessons and certainly help us to grow as more tolerant human beings if we choose to take up that opportunity. In order to truly love someone else, we must first learn and re-learn to love ourselves. It is impossible to love anyone else more than we love ourselves. The extent of the love we give out is a direct reflection of the love we have for ourselves.

“Be the change you want to see” Mahatma Ghandi

My ‘other half’

We get fooled into thinking that the other person only needs to be ‘half ok’ and that we will make up the other half of the relationship, hence the all too common phrase ‘’my other half’’. A healthy relationship needs both parties to be whole, complete individuals in and of themselves, bringing their own happiness, uniqueness, love and abilities into the relationship.

My partner is not meeting my needs

A lot of times if we are feeling unfulfilled in our relationship, we tend to aim the focus of our discontent at our partners without taking sufficient time to focus on what we might be doing to exacerbate the situation. I know it is easily done and I have fallen prey to this situation myself in my previous marriage. One of the things I was guilty of was focusing on what my ex-husband was or was not doing within the relationship. When I had LEARNT to shift the focus from him to myself, it was only then that I was able to focus on what I was doing and or not doing in the relationship. I had to LEARN to take control of my own happiness and decided that it would not depend on whether my ex-husband or anyone else was making me happy.


What are your needs?

Sometimes we think we know what our needs are, however, when it comes to naming them, we get stuck. If you were to ask your partner today to meet your needs better, what would you say? Do you know what your REAL needs are? Which needs are not being met?

When was the last time you did something spontaneous or special for your partner without expecting something in return? How are you meeting your partner’s needs? Do you know what your partner’s needs are? If you don’t know, then ASK them. Find out what they need in order to feel loved and connected. Sometimes just BEING THERE, being PRESENT is enough. If your partner is not meeting your needs, chances are you may not be meeting theirs either.

Inside Job

You’ve got to give to others first before you can get what you want. If you want a better relationship, go to work on YOU. The problem is not necessarily out there and is usually an ‘inside job’. That is, rather than looking externally and pointing the finger at your partner, look within first. Rather than trying to ‘fix’ them, ‘fix’ you instead. Identify what you want in an ideal relationship and Start to act the way you would like your ideal relationship to be.

Identify where the ‘problem’ really lies: is it you, your partner or the relationship itself. Be honest with yourself and your partner. When you have identified the ‘problem’ then go to work on finding solutions and changing it.

True, Authentic Self

So, if you want your relationship to be better and grow, GO TO WORK ON YOU TODAY. As you love you more and more, and find your true, authentic self, you will be in a better position to give and share more of your love with your partner.

Loving Inspirations From Children

If you are still feeling unsure about what love is, here’s some inspirations from some children. Enjoy!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

”When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

”Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

”I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (What an imagination) Karen - age 7

Forward this Article

Lastly, if you have found this article beneficial, please forward it to anyone you think might find it useful or direct them to my blog site http://www.jennifer-mcleod.blogspot.com/


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Have you been LiBERATED yet?

Liberating parents and young people.

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Elizabeth Fritzl Revisited – A Real Wake Up Call!

Elizabeth Fritzl Revisited – A Real Wake Up Call!

D’you know the original blog that I posted about Elizabeth Fritzl’s situation has been my most popular blog ever with over a 1000 (thousand) viewers clicking on it within one week of posting the blog on a particular social network site. And yet, even though it has been my most popular blog, I have not had a single comment left by my viewers, NOT ONE, compared to my other blogs.

What Does It Mean?

What does that mean? What could it mean? Is it that as a nation we don’t know what to say about sexual abuse, incest and rape and degrading another person? Is it that we are so disgusted by it that we are all rendered speechless? As stated in my original blog (Elizabeth Fritzl), sexual abuse and incest is widespread across the world, religion, creed, colour, race and gender.

Self Harm

Many of you will already know that my passion and mission is to liberate parents and young people. In one of my programmes for professionals working with children and young people (The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour), I share with delegates that one of the main reasons young people resort to self harm (hair pulling, ‘cutting’, drugs, alcohol, emotional abuse, compulsion to steal, gambling or obsession with fire) is because they have been sexually abused.

Coping Strategy

The self loathing, self degradation, hopelessness, helplessness, self hatred, shame and sheer emotional pain that they experience becomes so overwhelming that they feel unable to cope with it all and resort to self harm or self injury as a coping strategy and release from the emotional pain. Relief and control are the top two reasons that young people state for harming themselves and self harming is the number one reason for young people ending up in Accident and Emergency departments.

Speak Up!

So if as adults we feel unable to speak out against sexual abuse, incest and rape of children and young people, how then will we engender, encourage, support and engage children and young people in speaking out when they encounter such experiences?

‘Changing people’s attitudes towards mental health and counselling, and letting young people know that it’s alright to ask for help, that admitting you need help and support doesn’t mean that you have failed. Counselling needs to make more available to young people.’ 24 year old (Breaking Down Barriers Report – Youth Access)


In the UK, in recent years, more and more adults have started to speak out about their own experiences, whether they occurred in children’s homes, convents or at home amongst their family, and how these experiences have affected their lives today.

Our inability as adults to speak out goes a long way to demonstrate why children and young people are powerless to speak up or speak out about their plight, coupled with fear of reprisals from the perpetrator(s). In the majority of sexual abuse cases, the perpetrator is someone that is known to the child or young person, generally a family member, which means that children and young people are torn between standing up for themselves and family loyalty. Children are very protective of their parents irrespective of how good, bad or indifferent their parents are. Perpetrators are and can be any member of the community and at any echelon within the community. Josef Fritzl was deemed to be a respectable member of his community.

Who Would Believe Me?

‘Who would believe me?’ is the question that young people grapple with in these situations. Does the other parent already know? Are they in denial? What would happen to them if they did tell? Do they want to take on the added burden and ‘responsibility’ of breaking up the family home and shattering relationships with their parents and their siblings? How would they cope if they did? Who would support them if they did? Who could they turn to?

Some adults who pluck up the courage to speak out about their experiences become alienated by their families, are accused of lying and accused of breaking up the family home. If this is what happens to an adult, then what chance have young people got?

Review of Youth Information, Advice and Counselling Services

A review of Youth Information, Advice and Counselling Services (YIACS) 2001 by Youth Access in England, revealed that young people’s emotional and mental health needs are not being met adequately. They concluded that there was not a specific service for young people as apposed to those for children and adults.

Society Fails Young People

Additionally, it would seem that social services are more confused and entangled in policy regarding children’s rights and ‘infringement of their human rights’ than focusing on the need to protect the children as in ‘Becky’s’ situation, “for fear their intervention might infringe her human rights.”

It would therefore appear that at all levels, society is failing children and young people and yet, we wonder why some young people ‘go off the rails’, are ‘yobos’, have no respect’, ‘have no manners’, or are turning to suicide as an escape route. What other choices have we given them?
Jennifer McLeod © 2008

Feedback

Give children and young people a voice. Let me have your comments, feedback, thoughts, ideas, or even feedback describing your challenge with leaving a comment about this article.

Your feedback is important to me. Leave a comment about this article here or send to youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk


Forward this Article

Lastly, if you have found this article beneficial, please forward it to anyone you think might find it useful or direct them to my blog site http://www.jennifer-mcleod.blogspot.com/

Thank you

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668