Wife Swop - The Effects on the Children

I have to say that Wife Swop is a programme that previously I didn't think deserved the time of day watching, however, my children happened to be watching it one day, not something that they normally watch, and I decided to join them, more because I wanted to spend that time just chilling out with them.

As I got into the programme, I started watching it with more curiosity and from a different, more observational perspective because of my role of working with parents and young people. My initial thought was why on earth would someone do something like that? What are people's motives for going through a process like Wife Swop , especially when they have objections to the changes and new house rules that are created as part of the process?

Generally, from the few shows that I have seen so far, there seems to be positive changes at the end of the process for both sets of families in different ways, if for no other reason, than to have more appreciation for their own real families afterwards and an insight into other people's worlds.

Examples of effects of the Wife Swop programme on the children that I have observed (given that I haven't seen that many episodes) include:

1. the episode where a wife and mother of four girls and one boy had learnt at the end of the Swop experience to let her 21 year old son take more responsibility for looking after his dog and himself, which includes getting himself out of bed. After all, he was 21 and needed to have some sense of responsibility and accountability for his own actions, learning that it was his responsibility to deal with consequences of his actions. He also had the added privilege of eating his dinner first, alongside his dad, before his mum and his four younger sisters could eat. Unfortunately, this was his mum's doing and not his dad's. I guess the knock on effect of his upbringing now is that he will be expecting his partner to always be at his beck and call because that's all he has ever been used to. His mum wanted it this way for her whole family, including her husband, because this made her feel needed!


2. Unfortunately, his sisters have been brought up to accept that it was OK for men to eat first and that they had left overs. In addition, they also believe that their role is to serve men, including rolling their cigars etc - basically be at their beck and call, and still have a job outside of the home. I don't know how many of these four girls will be strong enough and confident enough when they are older to stop her partner using her like a doormat or indeed prevent her partner abusing her in any other way, such as domestic violence. What I do know is that their mother's unhealthy neediness and insecurities has given them all alot of 'stuff' to undo and get rid of if they are to lead a healthy, positive life.


3. Another example of the effects of Wife Swop on children is the episode when family 'A' Swopped with family 'B'. Family 'A' was made up of parents who are both Councillors and three children and family 'B' was made up of parents (one of whom was a step-parent) and I think three children.


4. In family 'A', there was constant activity around the local government councillor's role, which also involved one of the daughters as well. The phone was constantly on the go and the ethos was that people 'out there' need us, so be patient and accept that we need to drop everything that we are doing to attend to their needs whenever they call. This meant that the children, all in their teens, didn't have much time with their parents, as even meal times was interrupted by phone calls.


5. In family 'B', the mother's eldest son of fifteen years, was having difficulty getting on with his step-dad. This meant that he was out often, getting into trouble with the police and hanging out with the wrong crowd. His behaviour was clearly affecting the whole family, however, his step-dad didn't seem to take much responsibility for some of his own actions either.


6. The positive outcomes for family 'A' and 'B' was that both sets of children were better off as a result of the Swop experience. The children in family 'A' had more time with their parents and the phone was switched off at a certain time in the evening. The eldest son in family 'B' had developed increased confidence because the 'Swop mum' had booked him a session in a recording studio because of his love for music.

As parents we need to become aware of what we are doing to and for ourselves as well as how our own behaviours affect our children. It takes courage to put up our hand and admit that some things in our lives are not working and that they need to be changed and we are the ones to make the changes happen.

It is possible and it can be done and I have done for myself and for the benefit of my children.

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod
www.PositiveInspirationS.co.uk