Get Selfish by Jennifer McLeod

In this Issue:

¨ Welcome from Jennifer McLeod
¨ Schools & Other Newsletters
¨ Mobile Phone Directory launches next week
¨ Featured # Article: Get Selfish
¨ What’s On?

Welcome from Jennifer McLeod

Hi All,

And welcome. How are you all out there?

It seems a while since my last blog. I have missed writing them and being in touch with you, however, please do keep sending your comments and feedback.

For the last few months I have had back to back Easy Tiger Parents Workshops, Born To Win! Programme For Young People Workshops and of course, The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course in May 2009. My last Parent Workshop is in two weeks and I am definitely looking forward to taking a much needed break to rejuvenate, recharge my batteries in readiness for the autumn term.

Early on at the start of going into business, one thing that Peter Thomson, business development specialist of Pti International said at one of his seminars was when planning for the year ahead, the first thing that should go in your diary is your holiday. Make planning your holiday and time out for you and your family a priority over the business. So true! This is what I do at the start of every year, even if I don’t know what we will be doing or where we will be going, the time gets booked out in the diary first.

Have you planned your holiday or time out yet?

Enjoy this blog and have a great summer break

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter www.twitter.com/EasyTigerParents
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Schools & Other Newsletters

Do you want to share this blog in your own newsletter, blog or website?

I have had requests from schools & others about including my articles in their own newsletters.

Schools and other readers may do so, providing the article remains intact and you credit the author (me) and include the following credits with it:

Jennifer McLeod’s mission is to liberate parents, families and young people and is the Creator of Easy Tiger Parent System™ and Born To Win! Programme For Young People. To subscribe to her free email newsletter and get access to top tips, visit http://www.jennifer-mcleod.blogspot.com/ or email parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

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Mobile Phone Directory launches next week

A new Mobile Phone Directory launches next week.

I have grave concerns about implications and safeguarding issues for children and young people with adults and youngsters being able to get their mobile numbers from this directory. For others to be able to access your mobile phones in this way has far reaching implications than the normal landline.

If you haven’t already done so, click on the link below to unsubscribe your mobile phone, if you wish.

http://www.118800.co.uk/removeme/remove-me.htmlhttp://www.118800.co.uk/removeme/remove-me.html

Or check out further information about the directory here
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/working_lunch/8091621.stm
At the time of writing this article, the http://www.118800.co.uk/ website had been offline for couple days and the service is now ‘suspended for improvements’. Hhhmm? Quite a convenient time for the service to be offline or suspended when people are attempting to unsubscribe before the launch!

The Communications Officer might have given her consent for this service, but she didn’t ask us and my service provider didn’t seek my permission to release my mobile number.
I have contacted Central ITV news about this (they didn’t know anything about it either!) and a friend of mine has contacted Ed Doolan of Radio West Midlands (WM). If you feel as strongly as we do about this service, then please take some form of action to prevent it being launched or used.

Although it is offline now, I think we still need to be vigilant. Please let me know if you discover that it is back online. Thank you.
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Featured # Article: Get Selfish!

When I work with parents as part of my Easy Tiger Parents Programme, I use a term I call “positive selfishness”, whereby I encourage parents to focus on themselves. For instance, a parent that I have worked with has two children, one is attention seeking and the other is hyperactive. The parents are arguing and there is tension in the home. The parents focus is for me to give them tools and solutions to manage their children’s behaviour. My response is to work with the parents to manage their own emotions/challenges (behaviour), bringing about a calmer atmosphere and environment in the house, which in itself, will help to put their children at ease and be more re-assured and self assured.

If you focus your attention on loving you, or learning to love yourself, nurturing you, feeding yourself with the correct food and knowledge, supporting you, respecting you, giving to you, then you are in a better position to attend to others around you and their needs, including your children.

How can you love others?

How can you love others if you don’t love or know how to love yourself? How can you truly respect others if you don’t know how to respect yourself? Loving yourself could well mean starting from scratch to learn to love yourself, as I did, especially if you hadn’t learnt this from your parents. So be it, start right there.

One parent thought that this sounded a bit like a cliché but then realised it was indeed what was needed in order to change the situation and circumstances in her home. She was so focused on what her husband was/was not doing that she missed what she was/was not doing and this in itself created more of the friction at home.

Some people tend to project outwards and want to ‘fix’ everyone else or blame everyone else for what’s going on and going wrong in their lives. This is sadly, exactly the same for some parents. These parents find it far easier to focus on the children’s behaviour rather than admit that it’s their own ‘stuff’ that’s creating the situation, circumstances and environment that the children react to, ‘act out’, and children are then labelled by parents, schools and others as ‘naughty’, ‘misbehaving’ a ‘trouble maker’ or ‘always up to no good’. Children and young people who self harm are also reacting to their conditions and environments.

Parents’ and others projecting outwards is the problem! If we, as parents and adults stopped and stepped back to focus more on ourselves and look inwards, we wouldn’t need to do a lot of mopping up and attempting to fix the children!

Disheartening

I get disheartened when some parents opt out of the process when they realise that the focus needs to be more on them than on the children. It is far easier and more comfortable to treat the whole situation as a problem with the kids. Ok, I accept that some parents may not be ready to deal with their emotional ‘stuff’/baggage or Emotional Roadblocks™, and that we are all at our own stage of development, however, what happens to the children in the meantime when the parent does nothing at all to deal with their ‘stuff’? It’s all about taking a small step! And I actively encourage parents to take small steps especially if they are just starting out on their journey of development or discovery.

When my eldest son started having constant stomach pains/crams at the age of about 5, resulting form tension at home between me and his dad, this was my trigger to do something about the relationship, myself and make some life changing, yet very difficult decisions.

We teach others how to treat us. Likewise, when we project our problems and ‘stuff’ outwards, we are really teaching our children to blame other people for their problems, aren’t we? If this is the case, how can we therefore tell our children to ‘take responsibility for your behaviour’?

After my divorce and alongside horrible experiences at work, I used to mediate for roughly 10 – 15 minutes as soon as I got home from work. I know that my children experienced a much better, calmer and balanced mum than if I had not taken those few minutes out.

Learning “positive selfishness” is what took me out of my unhealthy and abusive situations in the past, so that I could offer my children a lot more than I had and a better perspective on life.

Spiritual hour

‘Positive selfishness’ is not self conceitedness and focuses on creating and finding a balance in mind, body and soul. I strongly recommend that parents create and take ‘me time’ or ‘spiritual hour’ for themselves to recharge their batteries, relax, unwind and rejuvenate so that they come back to the children in a much calmer & healthier state of mind. This helps to prevent children being shouted at or being blamed for ‘stuff’ that really belongs to their parents.

Now over to you!

Q: What would need to happen in order for you to change one small thing, that if you did, it would make a huge difference to your children and family life?

This article © Jennifer McLeod 2009. All Rights Reserved

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What’s On?


The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course – Young People

Thank You to all practitioners working with young people who attended May 2009 Self Harm & Behaviour Course. The Course was hugely oversubscribed and proved to be very popular. We even had people contacting us up to 1 day before start of the course. Thank you also for those that forwarded the course information and recommended it to others. Much appreciated!

Here’s what some of the delegates had to say about the Course:

“The Course has given me confidence to perhaps speak out and state concerns about a child who may be self harming”
Anita Rankin, Yarlswood Immigration Centre

“I am aware of different perspectives of people that self harm and understanding the background behaviour that could prevent this.”
Michelle Tennant, Hatchford Primary School

“Inspirational and down to earth!” Janice Costley, Lode Heath School

“Made me feel more confident that my approach is appropriate when working with children and young people.”
Godfrey Tomlinson, Family Support Team, Birmingham City Council

“Fantastic! Great to know lots of techniques to start using to help children to be more aware.”
Alice Hanlon, Colmers School

“I am aware of what self harm is. It is not attention seeking. Very relevant in my current role with young people.”
Bernie Flynn, West Midlands Police

Our next Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course for practitioners working with young people will be taking place Tuesday 18 May 2010. Please put this date in your diary and watch out for further information & joining instructions later on in the year.

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The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course – for Women/Men

We have also had requests from some of you about a Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course for women/men.

This could be adults who are self harming or practitioners working with adults who are self harming.

As such, a new Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course will be taking place Tuesday 24 November 2009 in Birmingham, UK.

We are taking bookings for this course now and further information will be sent out shortly.

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Easy Tiger Parents System™

For further information and to book Easy Tiger Parents Programmes for your organisation/company, contact me at parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

‘Jennifer taught me that for me to create a happier environment, I need to be happy within myself. I can use exercises, that are fantastic, and I’m automatically going to walk out of here with my head held high!
This Course has helped me to look at my life so much more positively and different and if I ever get down, there are so many exercises that I can do. The Course is like a breath of fresh air! It has shown me how to change negative thinking into positive thinking and by doing that I’m calmer and feel a much stronger person completely.’
Sonya, Burnt Tree Children’s Centre Parent

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Born To Win! Programme For Young People

For further information and to book Born To Win! Programme For Young People contact me at youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

'The Born To Win! Workshop was a very good Workshop. It offered helpful advice and is refreshing to learn. The Speaker was Brill! ‘Born To Win!’ is like a stepping stone to your future.’
Jemma, Student at Stourbridge College

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Born To Win! Ebook

I will finally be launching my Born To Win! Ebook that you can buy online at the click of a button.

Watch this space for more information shortly.


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NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668